It seems as though it is here sooooo fast, to me it doesn't really feel like Christmas, yes I am listening to Christmas music, yes I made presents, and I am going to make cookies tomorrow, it still just doesn't feel like Christmas.
Maybe because it will be the first year without my family, but I have Matthew, and he is my family.
Maybe it is the sadness I feel for my lost child, I was suppose to be 4 moths pregnant, but I am not, and people tell me that it is in the past, but its still so right here in front of me. While at the hospital on wednesday I woke up from the surgery crying, I told the nurse I wasn't in pain, that I was crying because of something else, I was crying because I had to lose my child to have the surgery. And I am so thankful that I was able to have it, I just wish the circumstances behind it weren't so sad.
Right now we are celebrating families and the Love the Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father show us, and it is so hard because my family was taken from me. But at the same time I am so thankful for the growing opportunity's it has given me. My testimony has grown so much.
This Christmas I am thanking my Heavenly Father for the sealing power and he gift to me to be a mother, maybe not right now, but in the future.
Christmas to me isn't about presents, yes they are nice to give and receive, but Christmas to me is about the family, and family time, its about making memories.
My Grandmother came over today and gave us our presents, and my mother sent us a package. In the package was a box of my ornaments, I immediately put them on the tree. As Matthew and I stood back and looked at our lovely tree, he made the comments that he never would have thought that our tree would ever have this many presents underneath it.
I love our tree!!
I was able to finish Matthews stocking before Christmas, which I was super happy about, because I had so much going on I was worried it wouldn't get done, but here it is!
I put Dad on it, that way once we have kids I don't need to make a new one. Next year I will make a new one for me that says Mom, instead of Heather.
I am excited for Matthew to see the wonderful things I have made him, and I can't wait to see his reaction.
Have a wonderful night!!
No comments:
Post a Comment